GO: Barcelona Bites

Barcelona is my favorite place to have a layover on my way to the Seychelles. I first went when I was 22 years old, with a huge wad of money, a Louis Vuitton satchel, my able assitant and not much else. I fell in love with the city’s complete committment to beauty and art. I absolutely LOVE beauty and art. Where else can you get a Tibetan massage in the morning, have a live decendant of Gaudi's give you a tour of his most awe-inspiring creation at noon and drink coffee made from coffee beans found in hidden trove of actual ancient 8th century Moorish beans dug up by underpaid archeologists? Below are a few suggestions for eating and drinking while there. Spoof Gwyneth Paltrow GOOP.

Quel merde!

Sueco Albóndigas/ Tamarite, 104+34.935.245.241
This gem of a restaurant was first recommended to me by no less than the prince of tapas, Enrique Salazar Rodrigo Juan San Sebastian El Rocito Mayabar Hendrickson (his father was Swedish - he is just to die for AND boy, can he cook). Reservations are hard to get, but if you plan three years in advance it is worth the wait.

El Cucaracha Blanco/ Margolia, 104+44.882.687.449
This exquisitely hip bar features only white drinks. The white roach motif was created by Jeff Koons, who occassionally drops in for a quick quaff. My FBBFinB swears that two swigs of the frothy Vapid Vixen will cure any ill.

Distopia/ Margolia, 104+44.375.245.241
Very old school, high fat rice dishes and full of interesting tortured types (the restaurant, not the rice). Great if you are travelling with people you don't know well, but would like not to get to know better. The food just oozes ennui.

El Soya Marizpanito Preservado/ Mercado Viejito 104+44.228.945.331
If you have to pick just one place this is it. It is, without a doubt, the best soy marzipan sculpture reproduction of preserved foods restaurant on the planet. During the two and a half months of the year that I throw myself heart and soul into work I have to be especially careful, because it is so easy when I am tired and hungry to eat real food. This in turn leads me to eat processed foods, (yes, my favorites are Ho-Hos, followed closely by Little Debbie Raisin Cakes) which is a serious no-no. It's then that I remember El Soya Marizpanito Preservado - their remarkable soy marizpan processed food reproductions are so good that I have them shipped via air to whereever I am. Faux Twinky heaven!

A GOOP Spoof