GET: Fall Fashion and You

Last month, I secured the help of a new friend, Jennifer Milly, the Fashion Editor (and now Contributing Blogger) of Vain and one of the best dressed, pre-pubescent looking women I know. She helps me get dressed every day by using her discerning eye to create trends for fall that will work every fall until 2010, when she'll come up with new ones.

Jennifer Milly shares:

Here is my stylating list of Fall (pout) and Winter (double pout) trends for 2009/2010. Since I'm really already thinking about Fall and Winter of NEXT year, what I'm about to describe will smack of the passe, but to you every single stitch will feel bright and shiny new. It's coming to me now...this year's trends that speak to what you can do everyday to be fashionlicious. Just remember: Be true to yourself, but not too true.

Reptilian Intergalactic It Girl: Remember those shoulder pads that your mother still wears? Well, as they say in the fashion world, what comes around goes around. My life would not be complete without Alexander Wang ribbed leggings (just $425!) topped by my genuine anaconda-lined Z-zipped Club Monaco jacket (shoulder pads included, of course). Top it off with your retro, over-the-top headband hair bow and you're good to go this October!

Girly Girl Diva: There is no such thing as too much flounce this fall. Some fashionistas might say "Don't Do This At Home". I say, "DO!" As my father to said to me on my 11th birthday, "You're MY little girl, but now you're the world's and don't ever forget it!" When you add layers of pouf to a simple, every day skirt the whole world stops to stare. My favorite: D&G patent leather crinoline underskirt ($1225) - goes from carpool to cocktails. I wish I had a picture.

Sex Slave: We all know bondage comes and goes, at least as far as fashion is concerned and this year is no different. Boots, belts and bows are all the rage and no Fall and Winter 2009 wardrobe is complete without at least one nod to the dominatrix in all of us. Take your pick: over the knee leather boots or velvet neck collar, it doesn't matter. What matters is making carpool memorable: after all, that part of your kids' life is just a small part of yours, why not make it something they remember fashion-fondly,

Helmut, Krina, Nicholas, Brian: designers that I HAVE to mention. If you don't know them, you should. Now you know their names at least. Their designs, fitted, baggy, shaggy, tapered, it doesn't matter are elegant on any woman (not literally of course), whether she's on the red carpet or the kitchen floor.

I only buy my leather at Annbelle Bespoke Newton-Smythe's (yes, that is actually her middle name - how cool is THAT!) whose lovely little store is just off Sloane Square in London. You can't do that, but I thought I'd mention it.

A GOOP Spoof