Be: The Karma Doctor

Hello friends,
Many of you have recently written with excellent ideas indoor wintery fun.  I thought I would compile some of these and add my own personal favorites to share with you here.
Snow ho!
Poog

A Visit From the Karma Doctor
Lots of busy women I talk to make good use of their trapped inside time by making doctor's appointments for the year. Everything from dentists and dermotologists to allergists and personal trainers. However, few make time for a regular visit to the Karma Doctor.  My Karma Doctor makes house calls and can always anticipate when a full-family snow day visit is necessary. It has nothing at all to do with my crying, but rather with his innate sense of when all of us need a better sense of where we came from, where we are and where we are going. Some people thing that it's impossible to minister to one's karma, but they're haters.  Marylebone's own Dr. Ben Gideon Smalley comes with everything he needs - a sharp brain, nicely trimmed finger nails, a melifluous voice and a karmic wisdom of the ages.  The first thing he does is make everyone in the family wear nude colored body suits, sit, breathe, hold hands and kiss. That small act enables all of us to calm down and smell the roses. I always make sure before a snow storm to buy several dozen roses and you should, too. The second thing he does is make everyone say something true in the karma circle of love. He draws the circle on the rug using lotus petals. Anything you say in the karma circle loses it's ability to be hurtful outside of the circle.  You can use the circle to purge your karma of negativity generated by being inside for long periods of time with people you are related to.  For example, once in the circle you can say how much you hate animated movies or how your son's habit of singing to you at bed time makes you want to leap out of your skin with panic.  I cannot tell you how good I felt when I left the circle of love after saying that I was disappointed that no one noticed my week long attempt to walk like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. It meant a lot to me to be able to do that and when no one noticed I was hurt. I mentioned that I felt that everyone was really self-centered and not very observant then I felt better. Dr. Gideon Smalley is available for certain people if you call 0-11-44-67-32-32.


Poem in a Jar
In these days of virtual media madness I find that it is always good to remind my children (and myself) of what books and words mean.  All too often we forget that books represent perhaps the greatest technological leap ever taken by humans ever and should be treated with respect and veneration. Words, too. They are symbolic of meaning. One of my favorite stuck-in-the-house snow day activities is to have the kids go through the books we have and cut out words that they like the sounds of.  Then, we paste the words to the insides of glass jars using a mix of powdered gelatin mixed with coconut water. Once each jar has been completely covered (from the inside) we take turns reading them out loud in a giant fun-filled family poetry slam.  If you can, have everyone read from behind the backlight curtain in your shadow theatre for great dramatic effect.  The jar makes a great flower vase if you shellac the inside when you are done.  Here is one of my favorites (from my own jar, which I shellaced myself with a mixture of linseed and eggwhite). My clever daughter named this one Mommy has Aphasia and I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants, but they are hand sewn ultrasuede so I didn't:

Doll silk carrots cellar door azure
Anyway sandals Emin soak
Sex prayerful bean curd
Real pan Warrior erstatz fiddle
Lo waters a of or and gritty
Question love.

The first line rhyme was a throw away bonus and the last two words just ended up next to each other in an instance of poetic fate. Our family collection will be published in July by the Urban Poetry Collective. Proceed will be donated to SOOCCS (Sisters of Owners of Canine Cancer Survivors).

Faux Jello
Everyone remembers Jello and as a special treat we have one day a year when we make it.  I like to reserve this treat for snow days when the kids won't actually want to eat the jello but rather can be convinced to mix it with snow and play texture games with it. That way I get the Mommy points for allowing them to make Jello and a mess while making sure that they don't actually eat it.  If they insist on eating it however, a good substitute if you do want to eat it is Dandelion Aspic with Agave Syrup, which, if you add dried and pulverized berries to can be dyed to look like Jello. I won't tell if you don't!

Make Designer Skirts
I would never have come up with this one by myself, but my good friend, SM is a whiz with the needle and after the launch of her kids' clothing line in major store to be unnamed she came up with a do-it-yourself bedskirt skirt that is just to die for. Here's what you need:

100% 200 Count Egyptian Cotton Long Drop Bedskirt in color of your choice
100% 200 Count White Egyptian Cotton King Size Sheet
Needle
Thread
Sewing Maching (optional, you can get someone to sew by hand for you)

Cut one side of the bedskirt off keeping about four inches of the liner fabric above the skirt seam. Cut the sheet into three foot by one inch strips. Lay the strip on the liner fabric of the bedskirt section, fold over the liner fabric, sew it into place (there by creating a drawstring of Eygptian Cotton).  Once sewn into place wrap it around you as many times as desired, tie, et voila!  You might have to practice a few times before your stitching comes out right, but the seamstress I had come to show us how to stitch made it seem so easy.  The skirts we made last week will be available at the La Femme online auction during fashion week. If you don't have 200 count Egyptian Cotton sheets you can use a slightly lower thread count.